I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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