I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The best revenge is premature balding
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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