Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
