where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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