I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
