Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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