you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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