My sheets look like a crime scene.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
