My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Randomize
