So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
