I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
