I hate your face
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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