In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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