So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
