Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
