i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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