Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
