just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize