if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
