she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
