I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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You. Win. At. Life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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