You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
