And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
should my penis look like a turkey
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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