You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
