so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
