a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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