I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
