I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
