o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
