you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize