Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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