Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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