The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
