i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
