while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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