So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Someone shit on the floor
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How does it feel to date your dad?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
