I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
