hotel room ftw
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
