i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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