some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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