I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
