and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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