Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
