hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
