Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
