How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
