Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The struggles of a small town man whore
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
