i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
