Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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