threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Watching her eat just hurts me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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