Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
