Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
