Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Don't tell me you're on acid again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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