Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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