On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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