don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
