I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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