Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
