nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How naked do you want me to be?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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