Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
