he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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