this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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