his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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