god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
