She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
