We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
