i just google imaged poop.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
