Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
