I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
