the condom got lost in my hair
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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