if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
