So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Be still, my beating vagina.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize