I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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