There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
